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A Good Word

Single is Never Alone

by Bobbe Brooks

I unlocked the door and grappled for the light. For a split second I shivered. Was someone hiding there? I switched on the lamp, but all was quiet. I was alone.

I had never been alone before. Immediately after graduation I had eloped and as the children arrived—I was encased in noise, busyness and love.

Then I was forced to watch in helpless horror as our marriage of 25 years crumbled before my eyes. Alone and heartsick, I struggled as a single parent; when the children grew up, I struggled alone. Although I was bursting with pride over their successful careers and beautiful families, my heart ached. The quietness was like a tomb.

Loneliness was like a monster. Behind closed doors I crammed chocolate cake into the emptiness and turned the TV louder. But the added pounds screamed, “food isn’t the answer,” and when the TV was off, the quiet was deafening.

Attempting to fill the emptiness, I gobbled romance novels like peanut M&Ms. Vicariously, I traveled to exotica seeking love and happiness, but when each book ended, I ached for more.

One day while seeking a romance-fix at the library, another book caught my attention, Never Alone by Phyllis Hobe. Unlike the empty longings produced by romance novels, the words comforted and encouraged me to grow up and become an independent thinker. The following words were gripping:

Alone is being one on one with God. Alone is a good place to begin a very full life.

Wow! Maybe I wasn’t alone. Aching to know that full life, I sat early mornings with a cup of coffee, the Bible, a composition book and pen. I prayed into the sunrise, “God, speak to me.” Nothing happened. But, I kept reading, searching and writing out my thoughts. Hope was ignited.

While biking through wooded trails, sipping café au lait on the back porch and repotting orchids, I poured out my thoughts, fears, and longings to God. The more I shared, the more I sensed He was there—listening and caring. I started to understand Hobe’s words.

In time, I applied for educational funding, returned to school and studied Information Technology. Loneliness dissipated as life grew fuller.

Incredible women crossed my path. Developing new relationships took time, energy and vulnerability, but the rewards were great. Each friend is as different as the color of her hair, and each has been a special gift. Amidst chocolate yummies and laughter, we enjoyed gut level sharing. These friendships are like beautiful treasures who have filled my life with love, laughter, and lots of hugs. They’re my cheerleaders and I am theirs as we grow together. Life grew fuller indeed.

Through the seasons, our family celebrated birthdays, graduations, and storybook weddings. And, little Heartbeats (grandchildren) arrived. I felt like the wealthiest lady in town.

But, my heart ached as I observed others, like me, searching for a prince. Sadly, many were finding frogs. They were hurting and their children were hurting alongside them. Desiring to help, I established a multi-faceted organization empowering women to rebuild their lives, and had the privilege of seeing many women do just that.

As I continued rebuilding, I returned to a childhood delight, took a writing course and began a new career. New friends, broader horizons and enrichment have followed.

Just when I thought I had seen every new horizon, I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. A writer and editor, he started working with me on a special project. Sitting on my front porch, we collaborated, sipped coffee, laughed and shared. One evening he invited me out to dinner.

After sixteen years of aloneness, I walked out the door on my first date—and then a second—and many thereafter. Months later, in a lovely waterfront restaurant, he proposed.

I, who expected to be an old maid, have been surprised by love. As we sit side by side writing on our laptops, my heart dances and sings. I’m no longer alone. But the truth is, I never was.

When I stopped searching for someone to fill my aloneness and took responsibility for living a full life, I grew up and found love in all shapes and sizes. Whether visiting the elderly, hunting geckos with Heartbeats or volunteering at hospice—in giving love away, I received immeasurably more.

And then, quite by surprise, my prince found me; I was contented and at peace. Love surprised a grandmother of fifteen and made her blush again.

BOBBE BROOKS is living her dream in the Rockies—writing books and articles and roaming through the mountains with her new husband, Dr. John Fischle.

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