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Laugh Lines

Laundry and Other Archrivals

I’ve always considered myself a pretty “with it” person. Someone who can set a goal, work at it and then achieve it.

I can plan a fall harvest party, set the date, rent the ponies, gather the candy and have happy attendees by the end of the day. I can write a list, go grocery shopping, secure food and prepare a fairly edible meal. However, one accomplishment in my life continues to allude me. It taunts me day and night. It cries out, “You thought you had it finished, but you were wrong. Bwa ha ha ha ha!” I search for the cruel, heartless voice. I narrow in. It’s coming from my heap of laundry. That’s right. Laundry. My archrival. Batman’s got the Joker. Superman’s got Lex Luthor. Pam’s got Laundry.

Laundry and I go way back. I come from a long line of Laundry Crusaders. I remember my mom asking, “Do you have any more dirty clothes?” I’d look around my teenage room and shout, “Nope.” She’d ask, “Are you sure?” “Yes,” I’d say. Good grief! It’s just laundry. What’s the big deal? But now… I understand. It’s more than laundry. It’s something on a to-do list that never goes away. The second you finish, you know there’s more. I had a friend who on laundry day would make her entire family strip down to their underwear, just so she could go to bed one night a week knowing every single thing  was clean.

A few years back, I suffered a seven-day bout of flu. Not long in the scheme of man’s existence, but definitely an eternity in Laundrydom. Rising from my sickbed, glad to be among the living again, I shuffled into the laundry room. I stopped—what I saw took my breath away. Before me, in an array of polyesters, denim and cotton, was a Third World country-sized heap of clothing. This was it—the end. Write on my epitaph, “Laundry 106; Pam 0.”

Feeling a relapse, I looked at my husband and began to recount my agonizing finding. In his extremely happy and helpful way, he said, “Why don’t you take it to the laundromat? You’ll get it done in a third of the time!” Then he kissed me on the head and skipped off to work—the easy job. His idea had some merit. I could take it right then and work on it all morning. Why, by noon I might actually (dare I say it?) be caught up? I could feel hope rising in my soul. “Yes!” I exclaimed, “I shall take your challenge!”

I loaded up the laundry, supplies and my two young girls for a great adventurous field trip. The gleeful girls and I arrived at the laundromat. I backed into a parking spot so that unloading would be easy. I pressed the button to unlatch the hatch. The girls wanted to help so I unbuckled them and proceeded to the laundromat door. Oh, no! It’s locked. But it’s just a normal Tuesday morning. Why in the world would someone play such a cruel joke? You must be kidding, right? No one closes on a Tuesday. Did I miss the holiday notice? Is it National-Give-Your-Dryer-a-Rest Day? I found a note that mentioned something about a faulty water line.

Ugh. I can’t believe it. My one chance for success. Gone. Vanished. I will forever be beaten by Laundry. I loaded the girls back in the van and promised a consolation prize of ice cream. Not because they needed it, but because mommy wanted it—and lots of it. So I put the van in drive and began my route back home. I was just about to pass my alma mater when in my rearview mirror I saw the van’s hatch slowing rising. My brain couldn’t process what was happening. Could it be true that the back of my van has opened up and began spilling all of my family’s clothing and unmentionables all over the highway—directly in front of the populated college?

The girls screaming, “My underwear! My underwear!” snapped me back to reality. Quickly, I pulled over to the side of the road and began playing my own version of Frogger, dodging and weaving, picking up my family’s belongings. A helpful Samaritan stopped as well. Did I mention the kind person was male? I assured him I could pick up all the items myself. He handed me a bundle of… well, delicates… and began to chuckle. He shook his head and headed back to his truck. I threw all of the stuff into the van, secured the hatch twice and blazed a trail back to the house.

By now, my girls have already changed their names. I unloaded the baskets, threw them back into the laundry room and closed the door just as my husband arrived home for lunch.

He said, “Oh, if you’re going to take me up on my idea, I’ll help you load the laundry into the van whenever you’re ready.”

If he only knew.

Pam & Kathy’s Top 7 Laundry Tips

1. Learn how to sort your laundry and check pockets.
2. Determine which garments need special care.
3. Use the right control settings on the washer.
4. Select the detergent that best meets your needs.
5. Treat spots and stains quickly.
6. Be very cautious when using bleach.
7. Hang or fold clothes as soon as possible.

As busy women, we carry a lot of things. Some of us carry a briefcase holding our computer and business papers; others carry a teacher's tote bag packed with papers to grade at home after hours of work at school. Some carry a full diaper bag. Lots of us carry grocery bags. Others of us have a duffel bag to carry our workout gear to the gym. When I go back and forth between my office and home, I carry books, files, my laptop computer, and my purse.

We carry so many things, but one thing we don't need to be carrying is our burdens. Jesus invites us to give them all to him. And it's not something we do only once-"Oh, I gave God my sins and guilt at salvation, and I gave him my burdens last week!"-but continuously, in an ongoing way. Because even if we solve all our problems today and life goes smoothly for a few days, we're probably going to face a new burden or trouble around the corner that could weigh us down.

Reprinted with permission from A Busy Woman's Guide to Prayer by Cheri Fuller, Integrity Publishers: Brentwood, TN, ©2005, p. 38.

PAM MORTON blends her experience as a composer's wife, mother of two fabulous girls, starving artist and “professional luncher” with her love for God to inspire women to use their creative giftings in meaningful ministry. With a Bible in one hand and a Diet Coke® in the other, Pam brings a fresh approach to Bible study and friendships. Pam and her cohort, Kathy Jingling, write Laugh Lines, one of Women’s Ministries free e-newsletters.

Removing Stains Tract

Compares stains in clothing to the sin in an unsaved person’s life.
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