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Reflections

The Four Loves

Part 2

Valentine’s Day—whatever its beginnings—has become the time for expressing love, particularly to our one-and-only, but also to others we hold dear. Consequently, February is a good time to look at the various kinds of love referred to in Scripture. We will use the loves identified by C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves as a springboard for our thoughts.

Romance – Love in Glass Slippers

Who has not waited with bated breath to see if the prince and Cinderella would get together, then heaved a sigh of joy when the glass slipper fit her dainty foot! The Cinderella story is embedded in our cultural mentality, symbolizing romantic love that exalts us from a menial, meaningless existence to a life of being “happy ever after.”

Unfortunately this love story is only a fairy tale, but that doesn’t mean romantic love does not exist. C. S. Lewis calls this kind of love “erotic love,” using the term derived from “Eros,” the winged god carrying a bow and arrows. Lewis defines this kind of love as the love we are “in” when we are “in love.”

Words have a way of changing meaning through the years, however. In our sex-obsessed culture, the word “erotic” is associated with the arousal of sexual desire, which certainly is a part of romantic love but not its entirety.

The word “romance” originally referred to tales or legends of adventure and chivalric love. We associate the word today with things appealing to what is idealized—such as the beauty of flowers and lace—and marked by expressions of love or affection—like giving chocolates and sweets on Valentine’s Day.

These romantic ideals may be conducive to or suitable for lovemaking, but they are valued separately from sexual intimacy. This ability to separate the two is why I prefer the term “romantic love” to “erotic love.” Romantic love puts stars in the eyes of young lovers long before erotic love finds expression in sexual intimacy.

Romantic love may begin with affection, the familiar kind of comfortable love we talked about last week. When that affection begins focusing on just one person of the opposite sex, seeing qualities in that person that are seen in no other, affection changes to romantic love. The prince starts out with the glass slipper in his pocket, searching for Cinderella.

But the fairy tale doesn’t tell us that glass slippers can break. Like affection, even romantic love can wear thin—which is why we see many marriages fail. Neither affection nor romantic love is able to hold a relationship together in some cases. When these two forms of love are gone, sexual intimacy no longer has meaning.

Interestingly enough, the Bible does not use a term for erotic love when husbands are told to “love your wives” even as they love themselves. Rather than any form of human love, the term for God’s love is used. It seems that even in Christian marriages, affection, romantic and erotic love need undergirding by the divine love of God. Thankfully, that love is available to all of us.

Points to Ponder:

Valentine’s Day is a good time to assess the loves of our lives. Have the pressures of life affected our affections? If married, is our marriage relationship affectionate and romantic, giving meaning to the erotic expressions of intimacy? Does divine love filter through all relationships?

Hopefully you have a variety of shoes in your wardrobe of love relationships, including Comfy Old Shoes and Glistening Glass Slippers.

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

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