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Reflections

The Four Loves

Part 3

Valentine’s Day—whatever its beginnings—has become the time for expressing love, particularly to our one-and-only, but also to others we hold dear. Consequently, February is a good time to look at the various kinds of love referred to in Scripture. We will use the loves identified by C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves as a springboard for our thoughts.

Friendship: Love in Flip-Flops and Hiking Boots

The temperature had dropped significantly one Sunday so I pulled my scarf, gloves and heavy coat out of the closet. They all felt good to me. I guess that was why I was surprised when I got to church to see three young girls wearing flip-flop sandals, the hallmark of the “in-crowd” of teenagers at that time.

Wearing flip-flops made a social statement in that teenaged crowd—a sign the wearer “belonged” to the group she valued as friends. To me, the flip-flops signified the kind of relationships we slip into and out of easily, the casual acquaintances we travel with for a while without developing any long-term relationship.

These kinds of relationships have a place in our lives, just as we might occasionally have a place to wear flip-flops. When we meet people casually, our basic regard for humanity causes us to treat them with civility and common courtesy. Even the barbarians on the island of Miletus treated Paul with this kind of friendship (Acts 28:2).

We may have as many kinds of friendships as we have shoes in our closet. We have work shoes, church shoes, sports shoes, and fancy shoes for parties. Our friends may fall into those same categories.

The question we ask ourselves is, “What kind of friends were Paul and Peter talking about when they told the early Christians to have ‘brotherly love’?” They both use the Greek word for friendship for which the city of Philadelphia is named—phileo. It is a different word from the old-shoe affection we talked about a couple of weeks ago.

Phileo implies that the affection found first in families, transfers to friends, becoming “brotherly love” or friendship. The friend might be a neighbor, an associate or anyone for whom one has a personal attachment, and the relationship is similar to that among brothers in a loving home.

This kind of friendship was demonstrated in the Bible between Jonathan and David. Jonathan willingly risked his life for his friend. David cared for Mephibosheth because he was Jonathan’s son.

A friend of this type “loves at all times” according to Proverbs 17:17. I call this “friendship in hiking boots,” the relationship there for the long hauls. Hiking boots take you through deep valleys or over mountain tops. They travel on rough terrain or relax around a campfire. This endurance, flexibility and tolerance of change are qualities I want in close friends.

Friendship is based on commonality and grows through continued pleasurable interaction and shared experiences. Friendship is different from familial affection because we choose our friends. It is different from romantic love which seeks for expression in sexual intimacy. Hopefully friendship exists among family members, and certainly between lovers. Friendship in whatever degree, from civility to close relationships, is the oil which keeps the machinery of society functioning well.

Perhaps one of the most heart-wrenching scenes in the New Testament is when Jesus uses the word “Friend” to address Judas in the garden. Everything we know and expect from friendship is bound in that word, but it crashes like broken glass in our ears because we know Judas betrayed that friendship.

Some of us have known the richness of close friendship in our lives, but we may also have known betrayal. Even good hiking boots wear out. Friendship, like the other human loves can become frayed. That is when we need the divine love of God to enter in and patch the relationship. That love of God will be the topic of our next discussion.

Points to Ponder:

“Keep your friendships in repair,” counseled Emerson. He knew that maintaining friendships required effort. People who have found good friends know that true friendship is its own reward and it is worth whatever effort it takes to maintain it.

What ways have you found to maintain good relationship with friends? Do any of your friendships need repair?

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

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