E-Newsletters

A Good Word Cooking for a Crowd FYI Moments for Moms Pages and Tunes Reflections Side by Side Unlimited! Women@Work Laugh Lines

Daily Prayer Focus

Pray for the World

Pray for Christians around the world, particularly those persecuted or harassed.

Reader Poll

How do you like the new Leaders Unlimited Web site? I love it! I didn't find it helpful. It's okay. View Results

Side by Side

Dealing with Diotrephes

Coping with difficult people may be one of the most challenging demands for a minister’s wife. Whether we are active as co-pastors or background supporters to our husbands, we relate to many people. Thankfully most are lovable, but only a few difficult ones can give us sleepless nights.

The Apostle John, a very loving disciple, wrote about his love for God and others. Yet, even this beloved disciple ran into a man difficult to get along with. John describes Diotrophes as someone who loved to be front and center, gossiped maliciously and exerted control over others (3 John 9).

Sometimes Diotrophes’ descendants are in our churches. Encountering a Diotrophes may leave us angry and unforgiving. Being angry is a natural reaction to injustice. Hopefully as Christian leaders we have learned good anger management skills. To ministers wounded by inconsiderate parishioners, Dr. Guy Greenfield gives helpful steps for releasing anger in his book The Wounded Minister (Baker, 2001, pp.185,186).

Seven Steps to Healthy Anger Release

1. Recognize the anger you’re feeling. We may deny that we’re angry because we feel too guilty about it. Denial turns the feeling inside where it seethes.
2. Decide what made you angry. Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over? If you can’t forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond a single event. Filter out the underlying cause of your grievance.
3. Give the “provoker” the benefit of the doubt. Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such reflections as, who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way, suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day or didn’t intend to come across as he did.
4. Count to ten and cool off. Practice some form of mental relaxation. There’s nothing to be gained by an explosive outburst aimed at retaliation. Calm down first.
5. Make your grievance known without attacking the other person. This calls for tact and good communication skills.
6. Listen. Listen hard and try to understand. This is the key step in resolving the conflict and diffusing your anger.
7. Forgive. When we forgive someone, many positive psychological and physiological changes take place—through forgiveness we once again experience love, the highest essence of a relationship. We remember that we care about the other person. Is this why their behavior hurt us so much in the first place?

Prayer for Today:

Lord, if I meet a Diotrophes today, give me grace to control my anger. For Your sake, Lord, and mine, help me release my anger before it damages my relationship with You and others. Replace my anger with forgiveness and peace. Amen.

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

Like what you've read?

Subscribe to this email newsletter at
www.womensministriesunlimited.ag.org/newsletters