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Dear Peggy

The following “letter” is a composite of letters I have received and conversations I have had in recent days. As the situation seems somewhat universal, I am letting you fill in the blanks if it applies to you or someone you know.

Dear Peggy:

For many years my husband and I have been in the ministry which we love. When our children were born, we made intentional effort to maintain a loving environment in our home. We wanted to instill our own Christian values, not just those of the church.

In spite of a happy, loving childhood our _________ (son, daughter, or children) left the faith and turned to _______________ (alcohol, drugs, or immoral lifestyle). Though they are now adults, our relationship is strained.

My husband and I now deal with _________ (guilt, remorse or both) and wonder how we failed and if we are the only ones with this problem.

Troubled Mom

Dear Troubled Mom:

No, Mom, you and your husband are not the only ones with this problem. In fact, more often than we like to acknowledge, children stray from their teachings. Do not be too hard on yourselves and condemn yourselves for failure. I'm sure you did the best job of parenting you knew how to do, which is all anyone can do.

We are told two conditions shape our lives—heredity and environment. Even when we try as Christian parents to do what is right, we know we are not perfect. We fear our children will inherit our worst characteristics.

We strive for a good environment for our children by providing good homes, but they are influenced by many factors beyond us. Our culture continues to spiral downward and take many young people with it.

Remember God had two children in the Garden of Eden who had perfect parenting and perfect environment—and they fell into sin. It should not surprise us, then, when our offspring fall away sometimes. We are less than perfect—even at our best—and we certainly do not live in a perfect environment.

What we have to remember is that we are each responsible for our own choices, even our choice to serve God or not. Your child has chosen a way of life contrary to your teaching. That is heart-breaking for you but that was your child’s choice.

When you look at your child, you experience the pain God feels as He looks at a lost world that has rejected Him. Instead of that pain making you feel guilty, turn it into the blessing of intercession—not only for your child, but for others who are lost.

At this stage of life there is probably very little you can say to your child about his/her lifestyle, but you can continue to pray that the Spirit of God will confront them. Some friends of ours just buried their 53-year-old son who lived a very rebellious lifestyle in his earlier years, but finally came back to the Lord. Their repeated statement is: “Don't ever give up praying. God is faithful, even when we don't see what He is doing.”

Prayer

Lord, we come to You today with troubled minds and broken hearts. We pray first for parents of wayward children, that the peace of God which passes understanding will keep their hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Lord, forgive those failures which were made in spite of a desire to be at our best, and restore the joy of parenthood.

We pray also for the children themselves, whatever their ages, that the strong cords of love—Your love and that of their parents—will bring those children back to You. Let Your forgiveness bring reconciliation and renewed relationships.

In the wonderful name of a compassionate Jesus we pray, amen.

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

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