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Handling Disappointment

Another in the series of letters from Peggy:

Dear Peggy:

My husband and I recently were considered for a position with a church. The interview went very well. We felt accepted by the board and the people so we were sure this was God’s will for us. Afterward, however, we did not receive the invitation to fill the position. Now we are confused. How do we handle this?

Dear Confused:

Disappointments of this kind are hard to take, particularly when you feel this is God’s will for your life. My heart goes out to you and your husband. You are in a vulnerable position right now. What has happened is not nearly as important as your reaction to the situation. Your response may determine your future.

When disappointment comes, you have three possible courses of action:

Get angry
Get discouraged
Get going.

Anger is a reaction to disappointment. You felt God was leading you in a certain direction, but apparently others in the decision-making process did not feel that way. Anger can flare because of frustration and you look for someone to blame. When that happens, you have three choices:

Be angry with God,
Be angry with the church
Be angry with yourself.

Being angry is not wrong, it is a natural reaction. But we can be wrong in how we handle anger. The Bible teaches us to deal with anger quickly. We can be angry with God for letting us get in this kind of situation, but then we remember how gracious He has been to us in the past so we let the anger subside.

We also remember that God works in ways we sometimes do not know, by closing some doors and opening others. We know He is at work, even in this situation, as time will surely reveal. This is a good time to adopt a “wait and see what God is doing” attitude.

Sometimes because of our frustration, we can be angry at the church and their leadership, or even district officials if they were involved. Remember those involved in the decision were also seeking the Lord’s will. You have to trust that collectively they made the right decision. You would have trusted them if they had extended the invitation to you, so you must trust them now—when they did not.

With no one else to be angry with, it is easy to be angry with yourself—for all the reasons you alone know. Again, a very natural reaction—but don’t be too hard on yourself. You put your best effort into your contact with the church. That is all anyone can do.

Let your anger rise and then dissipate by forgiving God, the church, and yourself. Accept the fact that closed doors reveal the will of God as much as open ones do.

The second possibility is to get discouraged. Again you have three choices:

Give in to discouragement and become a grouse,
Give up trying and never interview again or
Get over it.

Go ahead and give in to discouragement and grouse a bit, but not for more than 10 minutes or so. It kind of feels good to grouse a little—kicking something hard does relieve a little pressure. Just don’t let complaining become the habit of a lifetime. Grousing really accomplishes very little and the long-term effect is bitterness which can defile your spirit.

Giving up would make you the real loser. If you have been called by God to the ministry, the rest of your life would have a vacancy nothing else could fill.

Getting over it is best. What you have experienced is a reality of life. Hard knocks which seem unfair come to everyone sooner or later. This is where our Christian faith comes in. If you biblically deal with anger by forgiveness, getting over the disappointment comes easier. Determine that disappointment is not going to embitter you.

The third possibility is to get going. This is the time to ask: Why did God call us to the ministry? What is His purpose in this present situation? What do we see ourselves doing for the Lord in the future? When we look to the future with faith, we close the door on past experiences and move on.

Our thoughts are with you. You are in the company of many other couples in the ministry who have experienced something similar to what you have just been through. They have made it with the help of the Lord, and they believe you will too.

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

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