Meet Darlene Betzer

Side by Side

What fun it has been hearing the hearts of ministry wives across the country. It’s amazing how many different answers we’ve received to the same questions, which shows that while sharing many things in common, we still see things a little differently.

Wife, mother, grandmother, speaker, writer, teacher, organist, world traveler—all are definitive of Darlene Betzer. A well-known speaker for churches, conventions and seminars, she has traveled in over 30 nations. An avid student, Darlene brings into her presentations an awareness of God's "lavish love," as she calls it. She is a licensed minister with the Pen Florida District Council of the Assemblies of God.

Darlene’s current ministry is with her husband, Dan, who pastors First Assembly of God, Fort Myers, Florida. The Betzers have three daughters, a son who is a veteran missionary in Africa, and seven grandchildren.

Here is how Darlene answered our interview questions:

How did God lead you into ministry?

Though I married Dan—who began evangelistic ministry as a teen—during our college days, an invitation to be the youth pastor at Bethel Temple in Dayton, Ohio launched us into ministry. Our history of church involvement now spans many positions and years.

We have grown in our understanding that ministry is not by position but giftings. Positions are “authenticated opportunities” for the release of your giftings. God’s people may choose to allow you to minister in a position, but ultimately it is God who orders your life step by step.

My personal ministry positions have also been varied. The most recent was the call to preach which I resisted for many years. This call clearly crystallized here in Fort Myers. When I realized that to fail to obey is to disobey, I yielded to His call. What joy! The journey itself has been a lesson in obedience.

What area of ministry stirs your deepest passion?

My greatest joy is seeing God use me to deposit His words of life and His acts of lavish love into receptive hearts. Whether it is spoken or written, when I know I am speaking life through God-words, I am completely fulfilled. The privilege of imparting life-changing words, personally or in a group, is a joy beyond words.

What do you find most rewarding about the ministry?

The ministry itself is the reward. That God uses ordinary people like us to bring Jesus into people’s lives is the greatest reward. What greater thrill than seeing people accept Jesus and begin to conform to His image! Our greatest joy is seeing God’s people begin to live with a Christian worldview in light of eternity.

What areas do you find most difficult?

It is a huge challenge to cling to God’s word when there is no evidence of God’s purpose being generated by life actions, especially in your own children or grandchildren. The ability to hold steadfast to what God has said requires bold confidence to believe His last word to you is His only word for the moment.

We can begin our obedience with a great flurry of activity, but we must finish with the words of Jesus: “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4, NIV). Courage to complete each assignment exactly as He gives directive is a struggle of flesh and spirit.

As ministers’ wives, we are an example to believers. If we simply live from His invincible life, we are ‘good to go’ in any situation. But there are moments of relapse in our clarity of vision. We dangle our feet in God’s ocean of love while dipping with a thimble just enough for the moment. We ought to wade into the deep waves—right out in the middle of the ocean of His lavish love—and let them roll over us until we are buoyed up by His love. There is more than enough love for every situation in our lives, including every person to whom we must minister along life’s way. Even our mate!

How do you balance ministry, family and outside responsibilities?

I have not lived with “a balanced approach” in mind. I believe in absolute abandonment to the voice of God and the life of Christ within me. I cannot balance the amazing calling of God upon my husband’s life. Each man’s calling is unique. Therefore, I cannot do any balancing act.

Biblical priorities fix my choices. I live in the awareness that Christ’s life alone—and only Christ’s—is the life I am to live. The calling of God on my husband’s life is the calling of God on my life, because I agreed to become one with him in our marriage vows. Although I have a call to ministry as well, my obedience to God’s Word requires that I allow Christ to do with my life anything He desires, including having my husband away from home for long periods of time in certain ministry seasons.

What is your favorite way to relax?

Sitting in our double recliner snuggled up to my husband—doing nothing! Just being together is wonderful. I settle into his life and love in those moments and find great restoration. His choices are clearly mine and I have learned to enjoy what relaxes him as well—all except boxing!

I love to play golf or walk on the beach. I enjoy playing the piano to worship God, and a lakeside chair anywhere with a great book. We enjoy watching sports and traveling vicariously by watching travelogues on TV. It beats the hassle of airline travel today. We enjoy historical DVDs where we learn something new every time. I find creative work very relaxing.

What do you know now that you wish you had known when you began?

I wish I had known that I knew nothing at all about ministry, even though I came from a pastor’s home where love was the order of the day. I knew the parsonage rituals, but I didn’t know the way to live out Christ’s life as a pastor’s wife. My mother’s life was not my pattern, Christ was!

If I had known the difference between trying to imitate Christ’s life and living from His life, I would have spared myself great pain. At the start, I tried to conform my husband into the image of my pastor-father. I was trying to duplicate my parents’ wonderful pastoral ministry by patterning after their lives. It is better to let God do the conforming to the image of Christ in everyone’s life.

What a contrast took place when Jesus himself became the source of my living. Ministry flowed out of His life rather than my effort to make things happen. Ministry which flows out of His life is powerful, filled with benefits and gifts from God.

What changes have you seen since you started in the ministry?

I’ve seen:

Drastic cultural contrasts, including acceptance of blatant public immorality as “okay” human behavior
A rising tide of impatience by youth to change things with instant-fix spiritual experiences, and a huge need for mentors to guide their great pursuit along “rooted in Christ” channels
The eager abandonment of legalism by Christ-followers to pursue spiritual reality
A willingness by single women, newly divorced, to go anywhere at any time for the sake of Christ, and an unwillingness to be hindered by rushing to remarry for personal fulfillment
More and more women of all ages rising up to believe the Joel 2 promise means them personally

What would you like to share with every young minister’s wife?

You can make (or break) your husband’s ministry by your response (or resistance) to Jesus and His life within you. If you willingly submit to Christ—who has declared you to be a helper suited to your husband’s need—you will reap a harvest of unity that is foundational in the Body of Christ.

Marriage is His picture to the godless world of the Christ-life in unity with His Bride, His Church. We must get this right or we dishonor His name. The godly are to have Christ-exalting marriages as God’s picture of His love for His people. A wife’s most important task is to treat her husband in the way God says the Church responds to Christ. Watch your husband’s joy and delight when you shower him with attention and interest more than any other person in life. Smile a lot and speak kindly and lovingly at all times.

Share a favorite Scripture or life verse.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11: 28–30, The Message).