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Relationships and the Ministry

A wise older minister told my husband and me when we were younger, “People in the church fall into three categories. The first group loves you no matter what you do. This is a small percentage of the congregation, however. The second group, probably the majority, wants to love you but they take the wait-and-see attitude before committing themselves. The final group is the toughest. This group probably will be unhappy with almost anything you do. Thankfully, this is a very small percentage.”

How do we as ministers’ wives relate to these different groups of people? We want to have good relationships with the entire congregation. Understanding that we have to use different approaches to different people is a good step in the right direction.

We deeply appreciate the people in the first group, the delight of our hearts. They have supported other pastors and they will support us. These are the leaders who hold churches together year after year. With these people, our concerns are that we do not overload them because of their willingness to serve, or that we spend too much time with them, alienating other members of the congregation.

The majority of the congregation wants a good relationship with the pastor and his family. As a district official, my husband assisted churches in finding a pastor. He most frequently heard the request, “Send us someone who will love us.” Churches looked for authenticity in pastoral leadership. Education and talent did not matter as much as genuineness and integrity. No matter what role a pastor’s wife might fill, most people will respond positively to her if they feel she truly loves them.

However, as the old minister warned us, we encountered a few people who could never be pleased. In one church after a few encounters with one woman, I wrote her initials in my Bible following the verse that instructs us to pray for those who despitefully use us. When I would meet her again, I would remember that verse so I would not lose too much sleep over her.

Relationships are vital to ministers for it is the basis of ministry. A minister’s wife who stands side-by-side with her minister husband can help build good relationships when she understands the differences in people, and has the desire to minister to the entire congregation.

Prayer for this week:

Lord, today I will encounter many different people. Help me to love them as You love them. Fill my heart with gratitude for those who are gracious. Fill me with grace for those who are not. And in all relationships, fill my heart with Your love for these are Your people. Amen.

PEGGY MUSGROVE is a licensed Assemblies of God minister. She is also a speaker, freelance writer, author and prayer group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a Maraschino Cherry was released in 2004.. You can visit her at www.musgroveville.com.

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