Side by Side

Taking Time Off

By Karen Yancey

Nothing is as satisfying to a ministry spouse as when his or her marriage partner proactively prioritizes their marriage relationship above the routine demands of ministry. The unfortunate reality for many ministry couples is that such proactive behavior seems rare.

Since our first pastorate in the early 1980s, my husband, Terry, and I have lived by the motto: “This marriage is more important than either of us individually.” In the big picture, our marriage is more important than public ministry, other friendships, and even more important than our parenting efforts.

None of us live in a perfect world. Ministry emergencies will at times take precedence over everything else. Dysfunction occurs when ministry couples prioritize routine ministry or routine parenting over regularly investing in their marriage relationship. Ministry parents should not neglect nurturing and training their children; however, when a married couple maintains their romance and friendship, they create a dynamic context highly conducive to rearing PKs.

Placing date night on the calendar is the first step. Secure trustworthy childcare to assure maximum consistency in maintaining a date night. Our date night activities range from quiet conversation at a fast food restaurant to an overnight romantic rendezvous at a bed-and-breakfast (see “Ideas for Time Together” for further ideas). Consistent time and creativity produces a healthy marriage. I am thankful that my husband has initiated dates and romance over the years. I have also found it rewarding to initiate time together. Recently, I sent him a bouquet of flowers with a card containing a specific invitation for a special night out that I had carefully planned.

Perhaps a good motivation for taking time off and for investing in your marriage is that such action produces an excellent example for your children’s marriages and a role model for those whom you lead.

A short time ago, my husband, Terry, reminded the ministers of Kansas of this stark reality: “At my funeral, a large crowd of supportive parishioners might attend who are saddened by my death. None of them, however, will feel the long-term affects or intensity of grief as will my children, and especially my wife. It is only reasonable that we initiate focused, deliberate time with those who will miss us most.”

Routinely taking time away from daily stresses and routine will enhance your marriage and ultimately, your ministry.

Low-cost Ideas for Time Together

Many inexpensive possibilities exist for couples to spend time together. Some examples:

Shop for antiques at flea markets or garage sales.
Cook creatively together. Make your own hors d’oeuvres, grill a sensational lunch, or cook a gourmet dinner together.
Visit a nature center, botanical garden, walking center, or beach during the day or evening, or have a picnic in the park or by a lake.
Attend free events in your community or a nearby community that you and your husband can enjoy together. Check listings in your local newspaper.
Prepare a special dinner. Spread a blanket on your living room floor, and serve dinner by candlelight on the blanket. This will change your routine and bring on new topics of conversation.
Schedule one morning a week to meet at a local restaurant for breakfast, or meet at a local coffee shop one afternoon a week.
Choose a book you would both like to read; meet once a week for dinner to discuss what you are reading (your own private reading group.).
Arrange to swap houses with minister friends in another city or state. They can stay at your house for a few days while you stay at their home. Leave a list of free events to attend in your community for the visiting couple, and request they do the same.
Camp in your own back yard, or lie on a blanket in the country and view the stars on a clear night.
Buy each other a $5 gift. Over dinner, present your gifts and explain why you chose the gift.

Extravagant Ideas for Time Together

These ideas require more money, but will be worth every cent if they create more time for you and your husband to communicate:

Rent a luxury car, possibly a convertible, and go for a ride in the country, ending with dinner at a favorite restaurant.
Plan an evening in a nearby large city with dinner reservations, an evening at the symphony, a music concert or theater production, and conclude the evening with a horse-drawn carriage ride, dessert at another restaurant, or an overnight stay at a nice hotel in town.
Buy season passes for an amusement park in your area. Season passes create a good excuse for regular getaways.
Join a fitness club and schedule workout times together. Or invest in a pair of bicycles and schedule rides together. This will benefit both of you.
Make a reservation at a bed-and-breakfast, either in the country if you live in a city, or in the city if you live in a rural area. You can phone Bed-and-Breakfast Reservations Services Worldwide at 504-336-4035. Then, schedule time on your husband’s appointment calendar and whisk him away to the inn.

Resource List

Eggerichs, Emerson. 2004. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville, Tenn.: Thomas Nelson.
Eggerichs, Emerson. 2005. Amor y Respeto/Love and Respect: El Respeto Que El Desperadamente Necesita. Lake Mary, Fla.: Strang Communication Co.
Eggerichs, Emerson. 2006. Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret To Speaking Your Mate’s Language. Nashville, Tenn.: Thomas Nelson.
Evans, Jimmy. 1996. Marriage on the Rock: God’s Design for Your Dream Marriage. Amarillo, Texas: Majestic Media.
Evans, Jimmy. 2003. Marriage on the Rock: Couple’s Discussion Guide. Amarillo, Texas: Majestic Media.